The Graceful Willow and the Perfect Tomato

I just got home from a sleepover at my best friend’s house. Yes, we’re in our 40’s and sleepovers are still a thing. Actually, she opens her home to me when I visit because we now live over two hours apart. Fifteen years of a friendship that has only grown stronger and more meaningful with each passing year. We’re really not alike, in fact I remember someone insightful once calling us complimentary opposites. The Graceful Willow and the Perfect Tomato. Yes- I’m the tomato of the pair. 

I wasn’t intending to write about our friendship when I began writing today, but I think such a friendship warrants taking over this post. I’ll have to change the name from the original subject that was weighing on me, “Irreconcilable Differences” to whatever is up there now. That is truly the furthest description of our connection- in fact, I can’t think of one time in fifteen years that we have fought. Even a misunderstanding is very rare. 

She’s not a person who enjoys the spotlight (although I drag her in it from time to time) even though she, in my opinion, is a class act that can command attention even as she shuns it. That’s honestly how we met- in a Horticulture 101 class in 2007; she was a quiet magnet that sat against the wall half way back in the classroom. Everyone noticed her, whether she cared to know it or not. As for myself, I heard a little voice in my head say, “I think this girl would make an interesting friend.”

I can’t remember exactly how I began the conversation, I believe I sent her an email to get together about the class, but as they say, the rest is history.

She’s been a steady rock in my cliffhanging lifestyle- a thoughtful voice of counsel during life predicaments. During one particularly colorful period of my life, she and I took on the nicknames Coach and Slugger, respectively. 

I want to go back to how we were described as complimentary opposites. We have a few core similarities: we both love horticulture, we’re both big foodies (most of my friends are- if you don’t like to eat, I don’t get you) but insofar as lifestyles we are very different. She steadily progressed in the professional world, moving with thoughtful consideration, purchased a house in the suburbs of Buffalo, got married and has a strong extended family life. 

Me on the other hand, I’ve never owned a home, only recently have I settled into co-owning farmland over two hours from Buffalo where my partner and I are (eventually) building a house. I’ve jumped career tracks multiple times, as followers of this blog well know. So what ties us so tightly together? It’s easy- mutual respect for each other’s pursuit of life fulfillment, and recognizing it based on how well we know each other, not on what we ourselves would enjoy. This might sound simple, but I think it’s vital to a long term friendship. As I stop and think, it’s important in all relationships to some degree. How often do we hear “I just don’t understand how they enjoy that” with a touch of judgement on someone else’s lifestyle? Or how a parent becomes so bewildered when a child they think they know so well veers in a direction they didn’t foresee. 

In my opinion, being similar to someone is not the best indicator for a relationship. Instead, holding a certain fascination with another person and wanting to know them for their genuine self leads to a much deeper connection. This way, you’re less likely to try to steer their life, or be frustrated when they take a turn that you wouldn’t. Instead, you both live life alongside each other, even if your lives aren’t parallel. 

You don’t grow apart if one or both of you chooses to move far away or leave a job in an industry in which you both shared a love. Growing is the essence of your friendship, and truly wishing their best above all else. 

The rich connection and love is worth making efforts of time and distance, and understanding life ebbs and flows. 

This is truly the essence of my best friend relationship with her- she’s been more than happy to be along for the crazy ride I have chosen to as my life rhythm, and I am so grateful for her steady presence and the shelter of her love.