Now I say life making for the term making a living in today's culture equates it with money and career. I seek to make a life. When I told those closest to me that I would no longer be pursuing the coffee shop business, a few urged me not to give up on my dream- it could work in another building, or at another time, they said. What they failed to understand is that the business itself was not the dream, but the intent of bringing local community together was and still is the essence of my dream. Bringing people together in an act of service has always been my dream, and it runs like a thread through the various positions I've filled in life. That is still very much alive.
I never refer to myself as a dreamer, but I have always loved and been loved by dreamers. They are so much more creative and expansive than I could ever hope to be. I have a recurring dream which I try to house in different boxes and configurations. At the heart are growing and producing with my own hands, and the purpose is to sustain myself and build community. It's a loose dream when penned like that, yet I know the configuration will be something quite specific, and will have plants and baking at it's center. The Gardening Service is an important piece of this. I had put aside thoughts of a farm homestead due to the common notion that farming is capital intensive, as well as labor intensive. The latter I do not mind, however I must acknowledge that I will carry the weight of this dream alone, and so, a traditional farm is perhaps not the answer. I am however, attending a Veterans Farmer Coalition conference in Syracuse next week and am very excited to discover what other veterans in agriculture are doing, as well as what opportunities might be available for me.
One thing that I will be doing this winter that I had trialed a bit the last two years is my seedling CSA. I am again only trying it with a few friends and family, but there will be a seed list for clients to look over and choose what they would like to have in their vegetable and herb gardens next spring. I will grow the plants from seed this winter and spring, and deliver their vegetable seedlings at the appropriate planting times, as well as provide layout guidance, as some have requested. This week I am setting up my seed room, and finalizing the list of seed available for 2018.
This past month's pursuits might seem a waste of time to some, or a frivolous dream not well thought out. I accept the latter judgement, while further adding that I needed this side road. It was a learning experience on several levels. I learned my own capacity for a certain lifestyle that had I not tried, I would have always wondered. Also, it is more of a "not at this time" decision. I'll always find a way to express my entrepreneurial spirit, but I recognized with some business pursuits, other loves and life goals would have to be laid aside, and that I was not prepared to set aside my growing goals, time with my son, and accept the certain ties to debt I would have had to make to pursue the shop at this time.
While a younger me would have felt the urge to continue so as not to disappoint others or not to appear uncommitted by changing course so fast, present day me knows that the pleasure of others, while seemingly gratifying, is fleeting at best, and should never be the focus of a dream. Also, those that truly want to see your success will support any decision that you show is for your best interests, and would rather see you second guess yourself and change direction, than to never take pause and consider if the passionate charge you take is truly the long term path you should be walking.
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