I’ve been thinking a lot about gifts and family traditions these last few weeks. I’d like to clarify these are two separate trains of thought but I’m combining them in this post as they somewhat dovetail, especially around Christmastime.
I enjoy hearing the rituals that friends cherish from their childhood. Both my husband and I come from families that did not put much stock into birthday or holiday celebrations. My family was big on the actual origins of the religious holidays, and did not participate in anything they felt was of “pagan” origin. My husband’s immediate family decided when he and his siblings were young, after learning Jehovahs Witness practices, to stop celebrating birthdays and holidays. From what I’ve gathered, the material gift giving was what they wanted to avoid. I was told they felt all the lavish presents made for possible selfish tendencies. Both of us have decided to celebrate holidays to some degree in our own way, but not get too wrapped up in them- pun intended.
My husband’s immediate family did not celebrate any holidays, and I can’t say I’ve really seen too much desire to change that, other than his wish to participate in his extended family’s holiday gatherings. His vision for our wedding this past September was “a large family picnic where we get married”- food, drink, a spontaneous game of football, and gathering around a fire. Presents for occasions are not his thing. This is not to say he isn’t a gift giver; on the contrary he is the most generous person I know, and he’s constantly getting me things or telling me “buy it” if I’m admiring or desiring something. I’ve had to remind myself of this when birthdays come and go; it’s not that he forgets, birthdays were never something to remember. To help make it easier for both of us, I’ve given him a place to go to create a tradition in gift giving for me. It’s a local Celtic jeweler where we got our wedding rings; he really can’t go wrong even if he picks out something at random.
My mom has always been a thoughtful gift giver, creating many presents from her own artistry and craft, and my grandmother is a practical gift giver, always seeking to know what you really need or want before making her selections. I remember her starting to send checks in my twenties after being asked for gift receipts by other recipients. This broke my heart a little- she told me she felt she didn’t know what to get anymore. Now she’s nearly blind, but my mother and aunt guide her through thrift store sprees and Amazon wish lists to send thoughtful and personalized gifts to my children. She also sends cards for every holiday- St. Patrick’s Day and Valentines included- this is a tradition I cherish as mailed cards are not as common as they once were.
But to me, traditions are something on a higher plane than gift exchanges. I feel that what makes a tradition special is its longevity. Hearing “my family always…” attached to a memory is what makes a tradition. Those special somethings you do for or with someone, and what makes it special is the remembrance.
When you start your own family you have the choice to carry on traditions, or create new ones. My son and I share a few, and are now including Millie. First and foremost: watching A Merry Pooh Year at Christmastime. He’s a very sentimental person, and I see the nostalgia on his face when we settle in to watch it each year. I always make or buy him an ornament, and I have several of his handmade ornaments that get hung up in my houseplants during the season. I want to see them up close, and currently all my houseplants are clustered in the only semi-cat-free and well lit area by the kitchen sink.
Now that I live the off-grid homesteading lifestyle, I’m trying to tie most of my daughter’s experiences to the land where we live. She is blessed to be surrounded by many acres to explore, a variety of pets and farm animals to love and learn about, which is my husband’s greatest gift to our family. We live on a portion of land that was his maternal grandfather’s farm, and he carries on the farming tradition.
So what traditions have I come up with so far? Well, I carry on my personal tradition of growing an amaryllis bulb to bloom during the beginning of winter. The first flower stalk is currently in full bloom with the second close behind. Millie and I have gathered many acorns this fall that I plan to make nature ornaments with at the extended family Christmas gathering. Homemade nature ornaments are such a fun, special treasure, and thanks to a workshop at the Beaver Meadow Audubon Society years ago with Joey, I have some creative inspiration! Other than that I’m still thinking on traditions to create, not only for my daughter to look back on, but for me as well. Next year I’m planning to plant a fir tree with Millie to decorate each year and take pictures next to as they both grow.
When I mulled over how to end this post while making lunch, I thought of something I wanted to clarify: I don’t think traditions are just for Christmas- and wanted to share a few “other season” traditions I am looking forward to sharing with my daughter. In early spring before tree leaf out, I always take walks in the woods to look for bud burst and ephemeral flowers.
I always plant a garden with plants I grow from seed. I used to have a lot of baking traditions, and I look forward to picking them up and expanding kitchen traditions with Millie in the near future.
As I close I would like to ask you to share traditions you carry on with your family, and any back stories that accompany them. After all, what is this life without stories and friends with whom to share them?
