Are You All In?

Things are moving fast. And then they aren’t. But I’m part of a team that’s in constant forward motion and that’s all that matters. In the future I’d like to avoid forward motion during deer-a-palooza in Steuben County with a new car but some things are unavoidable.  Venison anyone?

The important thing is that no matter what life throws at us (or what dumb mammals jump out in front of us), our stride is wide and in step with each other in this life we’ve chosen to embark on together. And there are some wide strides we need to match sometimes. To put things in perspective for you he’s got three vacation scenarios planned away from our farm that is still technically in the planning stages. 

But that’s ok because he’s a big picture man and I

love me a big picture man. There are often multiple frames in view, but they are all part of the big picture. And big pictures take one hundred percent commitment. I can remember one of the first times I started getting worried and upset over the little steps between the big dreams he stopped me and said- I’m all in. Are you? 

For a dream this big and multi-faceted, it takes a 100% all in dedicated team, and the question is: 

Are you all in when the messy boxes of life need to be unpacked and sorted?

Are you all in when step two needs to happen before step one, because all that really matters is that we keep moving forward, despite all the neatly penned notes and plans? 

Are you all in when your partner just needs you to stop whatever you’re doing and cushion their exhausted fall, and hear you say, don’t worry, something will come up. 

We’ve both fallen into other peoples dreams and given every ounce of our energy only to find out those dreams were not only not our own, but not even fully committed to by the people we dedicated our time to. But this time is different. His dreams are my dreams, his burdens my burdens, we walk hand in hand together towards a sunset we create. And I’m all in. 

The first time he said the words I love you, I can’t deny I felt a flutter- but I’d heard those words before- and while I have no doubt every speaker meant the words, their love never reached the standard of what I considered it to mean. 

I needed to know that this man’s love met my definition. Love to me is a way of life. An art that must be practiced and grown in every day. I was brought up being taught that God is love- the very creator and pinnacle of our existence IS the essence of this word-how can it be anything other than a transcendent, all-consuming and fulfilling life experience? Anything less to me is man’s cheap imitation. When it comes to love and dreams he’s the cockiest idealist I know, matched only by my own ideals- and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We met on a dating site. My profile opened with the words “Not girlfriend material.” He told me when he read those words he thought to himself “challenge accepted” and he definitely met the challenge. But it was true. I wasn’t girlfriend material. I wasn’t after what the 99% considered a relationship. I wanted a lifelong companion, but even this Word’s definition has been dulled in contemporary culture. 

I wanted someone to take life risks with- no safety nets but each others’ arms. I wanted to dream big and then do big, every single day. I wanted a love that was 100%- word, thought, deed- anything less and I wasn’t interested. 

Love was a lifelong art that I would always be growing to understand and practice better, and I wanted a partner with the same perspective. 

This isn’t a 9-5 job, it’s not an experience I’ll ever want a break from, it’s an all-consuming life companionship with intertwined life dreams and minute to minute actions that take us there together. And yes, I’m all in.